Ask for help


Today one of our older guests on the yacht decided he wanted to go on the donut. I thought this was brilliant, our deckhand didn’t agree – ‘he is too old and had no strength, he couldn’t pull himself out of the water back onto the donut, so I had to’.

My response: So, it’s great he’s giving it a go.

Him:‘You try pulling 100 kg out of the water and see if you think it’s great’.

Me: Next time ask the son to come along.

Him: ‘the son was there…’

It seemed too obvious to even point out, why would you struggle to pull someone out of the water by yourself, instead of asking for help?

Then I thought, how many times in my life have I done this?

Being the stubborn, proud, Miss Independent that I am, I have always opted to lug around 100 kg of burdens rather than reaching out and asking for help.

In the restaurant scene, I am sure there are more than a handful of waiters who can vouch for this. I was one of those scary waitresses who was fiercely protective of her section (the area and tables you are responsible for). I would prefer to do everything myself rather than risk someone stepping into my area and messing something up, or worse – I would hate to let anyone think I can’t handle it myself.

I was always the head waitress (manager) everywhere I worked, so was always given the busiest section. Most nights I thrived on the atmosphere and got an absolute hit of adrenaline when I worked my way into the ‘flow’ of the restaurant.


There were nights where nothing worked. Nothing flowed customers were difficult and it was an uphill battle trying to keep up.

During these nights, I would get so frustrated at myself and the situation. Where normally I thrived being amidst the chaos, these nights I would be furious my section was so busy and no one was helping me – yet, if anyone dared come near my section they would get my famous death stare.

Talk about a double-edged sword.

There are a number of reasons we refuse to ask for help, but the biggest I believe is pride. Our ego convinces us this would be a huge sign of weakness – we will die before we surrender!!


There is a difference between skiving off, playing the victim and not rising to the occasion vs giving our absolute best and not quite making it. The former needs to tighten their slacks, the latter needs to loosen theirs.

I will not play humble – I have always given my all to every single role. Though it is natural that some days, no matter how hard we try, our best is just not enough.

It is in these moments we need to learn to ask for help. It is not a show of weakness, on the contrary it is a strength to be self-aware enough to know our limitations and humble enough to beseech help.

Working on a yacht as a hostess can be a huge job. I am on the clock 24/7. I am the first person the guests see in the morning (ready & waiting with their coffee) and the last one they see at night.

We operate as a team and everyone pitches in where needed, though being the face of the yacht can be more than a little demanding at times. Last year I struggled with the concept of asking for help. I tried to function day in and day out, giving 110%. Let me say here – this is not physically or mentally possible in ANY role, let alone one that has you living with the people you serve and work with, in a confined space, for 4 months straight.

I broke. I got emotional and snapped part-way through the season. I tried to do it all on my own and failed.

The chef looked at me one day and said ‘Tash, go easy on yourself, these conditions are not normal, no one can give 110% for this long, ask for help if you need it.’

Ask for help.

So simple, yet so difficult to swallow.

He was of course right.

I am stubborn and have difficulty asking for help – and… I have never said that out loud before.

I am slowly learning the more I pull apart my ego and face these truths, the more I see they are just smoke and mirrors.

Now, when I want help, I ask, or if help is offered I graciously accept… (most of the time, I am still flawed – progress not perfection right?)

And guess what?

The world didn’t implode because I couldn’t do it all myself. It didn’t strip away all of my credentials and past achievements.

All that happened was - I asked for (or accepted) help and the task was done, with no unnecessary dramas or undue stress. Amazing right?

Better yet, with less stress, frustrations and bitter thoughts, I can focus on the task at hand, not become embroiled in it. Which -

allows me to be the best version of myself (life is beautifully ironic sometimes).

So the question is, what 100 kg of unnecessary crap are you hauling out of the water alone?

You may also like

No comments:

Powered by Blogger.
There was an error in this gadget