Writing about writing (or a lack thereof)...

I write because I want to write, because I love to write, I don’t even necessarily consider myself to be a good writer, let alone a great writer, yet, here I am, writing.

Once, while sitting frustrated, nervous at my laptop, my husband casually looked over from the couch and said – “what are you doing?” Writing! I barked back at him. “Having fun are you?” YES! I snapped. In case you can’t tell by my use of grammar and phrasing, I most definitely was NOT having fun. I was working myself up into a hot, writhing, mess, trying to write a piece that I thought I needed to write. An idea that I had, that I was sitting wrestling and grappling with, trying to bring it into submission. Once again, my husband in his very nonchalant way, brought me to my own attention.

Where had the fun gone? Why was I sitting, in my spare time, uncomfortable, angry and irritable staring at my computer screen, trying to smash enough at the keyboard to create the ‘perfect story’ that I had in my head. I know all too well, that I have never written anything good in this state, in fact all of my favourite pieces I have written, have come almost not from me, but from a moment of inspiration, from a free-flowing, non-thinking, non-forcing, naturally occurring place. OK, of course I am ultimately the one sitting their typing and sometimes it has taken hours of writing and re-writing, but those are the kinds of hours that slip effortlessly into what feels like minutes. Only when my stomach is roaring or my ass-cheeks are getting all prickly and numb, do I look up at the clock and realize, holy fuck, I have been sitting here for 5 hours! Now THAT is fun!!

The other thing I was doing, was most definitely not.

Now recently I have been doing something else. My life has been filled to the brim with awesomeness and I have been crazy-productive-busy; but it means that I have slacked off my own writing, in fact I haven’t written a blog in a very long time. I have had SO much to write about, yet my laptop and I have been awkwardly avoiding each other, trying not to make eye-contact, like a couple of teenagers who got drunk and kissed but neither one wants to bring it up. Is there something there, should we talk about it, could this be the beginning of a beautiful relationship, or is it doomed for failure? Maybe we could just be ‘friends with benefits’, you know, get together from time-to-time for a little fun, no expectations, no responsibilities?...

Though there has been a lack of my own personal writing (I have still been writing and editing for other platforms), I have thought about writing at least 10x a day. 10x a day? Isn’t that ridiculous?! I have had so much to write about, so much I wanted to get down, for me as much as for anyone else, yet I have shied away… why?

Well, quite simply, I have been that teenager, worried about even starting something serious, expecting it to fail before I even begin. I have SO many stories, but I have filled my head with doubts of whether I can write them, whether they are worth writing, or telling myself that I need to be more organized with my writing – each piece needs to be brilliant, have a theme and ideally these can all translate to a book one day… No pressure right?! There is that and there is also the fact that I get carried away when writing, almost every piece is a novel in and of itself; so this is another good excuse to avoid having the ‘serious convo about writing’ – I’m just too busy, it’s not you it’s me, I just don’t think I can commit to anything serious right now, plus what if I’m not any good at, ya know, being a writer… you understand right?

What a load of BULLSHIT! The amount of time and energy I have spent THINKING about writing, but doing nothing about it is laughable, I could have written my book by now!!

SO… this is my declaration to myself (and anyone who cares to read), I am going to just start writing. I am going to give this relationship a go. Any random thoughts or musings are going to start coming out a lot more frequently, because they are a fat lot of use bottled up inside. Maybe some pieces will be pure gold, or maybe it will just be a whole lot of average dribble. Nevertheless, I will be taking action. I will stop wasting energy thinking about something I should just be doing. I realize that not all of life should be fun, that a lot of things in life (like writing a book) need skill, commitment and dedication… but no matter what the mind tries to fool us into believing, starting something, just starting is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, better than not starting.

I truly believe that all of life’s goals can be achieved by:
          Starting, just start. What was that? How? Just take the first step, then the next step, then the step after that. You don’t need to know all of the how right now, you just need to start!!

    Commitment, because no matter how good you are at what you do, if you don’t do it at least a little every day, you will never get to where you want to be. In fact, the person with less skill and more commitment in life, is ALWAYS more likely to be a greater success, than the person who gives up or does something half-assed.

3  Putting no pressure on the outcome take the pressure down… putting pressure on the success of your incomplete project, is a sure-fire way to avoid starting, because at least if you never start you can never fail, right?

4  Not taking it all so seriously – no one gets out alive, SO why spend all day angrily staring down a laptop!

5   Having a little faith – we can always ONLY ever do, as much as we can do, then the rest we need to leave up to the magic of the Universe and believe me, she has a much wilder imagination than all of us combined. Anything in life we truly want can and will be achieved, just not always in the way or timing we expect, so have a little faith!

So there you have it. This is possibly the shortest piece I have ever written and I have no intention on gruelling over grammar and syntax, this is the first draft and dam it, for today, it is good enough! Actually, get used to this, I might just start busting out some little-life-nuggets, because I need to get these thoughts out, I need space in my mind for more awesome projects, goals, for BIG fucken dreams!! 

So what is your mind currently stopping you from doing?

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