Where are the MEN???

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This is about to be an almost absolute contradiction to my last post, but a brilliant example of being a woman...



After saying that my recent epiphany was that I am here to focus on myself and don't need to factor anyone in... it hasn't stopped me from fearing that maybe I have lost my mojo, that something is wrong with me, or I have seriously broken my lady bits... because I just haven't found myself attracted to anyone in so long. It is all very good and well to say that this is all about me; but I am still a woman and am meant to be in the land of beautiful men and 'Italian Stallions' (the latter I still can make no comment on...); so why is it that I am struggling to find someone that I just want to jump?! I mean have a meaningful relationship with...

"water, water everywhere
but not a drop to drink..."

A recent Friday night out with my partner in crime Amelia, we got chatting to an English guy – Joe; he was married but was just entertaining to talk to as he had such good banter, which was a nice change from the typical Italian guys we have been meeting out. After a while he brought his Italian friend over – Alberto. Now Alberto and Joe seemed to represent the stereotypical English and Italian guy, and couldn't be more polar opposite if they tried.

It didn't take Joe long to say to me – “I bet you don’t like Italian men, being that you are from New Zealand; you probably need a guy that can bench press at least 3x his own weight, before you are interested right?..” And there it was - he recognized instantly that I need a MAN (note the capitals - saying MAN needs to be exclaimed here)! "Waiter, waiter, I'll take a double serving of MAN please!! Amelia and I have actually been discussing the lack of men for some time now, but it hadn't truly dawned on me until this moment. Alberto however, was very confused by this and asked what our definition of a MAN was. Now how do you explain to an Italian guy who epitomizes everything that wasn't - while he stood there looking like something out of a Vogue magazine, sipping on his cocktail and would most likely go home and cry after the conversation we were about to have...(ok the last point is a slight exaggeration, but I decided to use some creative license here to hammer home the point I am about to try and make).

So we looked around the bar and he started pointing to guys asking if they were MAN or not… Amelia and I could immediately answer and respond in-sync as to who was and wasn't a MAN. But there is no definite answer we could give as to why this was the case; we just tried to explain that it is how they hold themselves…But it is a very difficult task to explain just having a raw sexual MAN-energy – basically what we wanted to say (and maybe even did after a few more Negronis) was we want a guy that looks like he would pick us up and throw us against the wall (I think proper girls are most definitely not meant to say this answer out loud)…Mr. Mojito wasn't having any of this; and said “oh I get it, you like chauvinistic, women beaters?...” ha. He has clearly seen Once Were Warriors…But no, this is not the case at all.

Ok, yes I am from New Zealand; and I do think we have more MEN as such. Guys are just, well… guys. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want a guy that solely wears ‘stubbies’ (a New Zealand term for short shorts), drinks rum out of a can, would ignore you when he was around his boys, and the deepest conversation you will ever get out of him is his thoughts on the politics… of rugby; however I also don’t want a guy that looks prettier than me, takes longer to get ready, tells me when my shoes don’t match my purse, and would rather snuggle at night...



Trying to explain any of this was always going to be a lose – lose situation though. I am sure there are plenty of girls out there that purely come to Italy for the Alberto type guys...and I thought I would too, but as it turns out, they just don’t do it for me. Which at first lead me to think that I am broken, or have a problem. But thankfully after talking to many girlfriends, and as Joe so kindly pointed out - I don't think that I am broken, I just need that initial attraction that typically only comes from MEN. I also think that in the meantime I am going to need to learn how to say "I'm just not that into you" in Italian to avoid these awkward conversations of "why aren't you interested in me or Italian men?..." (Surprisingly a question that has been asked of us a lot - we must be putting this vibe out there)...

This has been a devastating factor to our nights out for Amelia and I. Leading us to ask the question – where are the MEN??? Not just for, well you know… but also I just miss being around guys. I have always had lots of good guy friends, and miss the banter and fun that comes with it. And while of course girls and guys can be friends, when you are out at night in bars and clubs – I am well aware and not so naive to believe that guys would be happy to JUST be your friend; its not like you can give your number and say “I don’t want to have sex with you, but can we hang out sometimes (secretly hoping that he has some cute single friends...) No. This would not go down well at all; in fact I have previously tried the “I will dance with you, but don’t want to have sex with you…” which to try and illustrate how well this sentiment went down: just picture it happening in a cartoon - the guy disappeared so quickly leaving me with only the outline of his body in a cloud of smoke... 

Note: Banter: I am aware that I am in another country and humour is hard to get across when it is not your native language. But I haven’t thus far encountered genuinely funny Italian men with sarcasm or banter – which is the base of my sense of humour and attraction.

But alas, all of this was about to be solved; and the answer was so blindingly obvious - especially to a girl from New Zealand, that I am kicking myself that it took me 4 months to figure it out… RUGBY! Little did I know that Florence has a rugby team; and I happened to make good friends with a lovely Lithuanian girl whose boyfriend used to play for the side. So full of bubbling excitement and of course bubbly… on a beautiful sunny Sunday in Florence we tottered our merry way to our first Italian rugby game, where we were about to have all of our prayers answered!

And there it was… Hallelujah (insert golden light and choir here)! MEN. 


No actually the hallelujah moment more came after the game when we had drinks with the team, and god bless - these boys were funny and had banter; but to top it off they weren't overly cocky or arrogant like a lot of rugby players (sorry to any of my guy friends who play rugby; but New Zealand being the home of rugby, has definitely created a super-breed of arrogant rugby players). And alright, I admit it - they also may have all looked like they could throw us up against the wall…but funnily enough it was more just being around a good group of guys and having some beers on a Sunday afternoon that I enjoyed more (anyone who knows me knows I love a good Sunday session).




Maybe nothing will come of it in my love-life department; in fact if nothing happens I will still be more than happy just being around MEN for some beers and banter because I have realized that I am missing men in more ways than one in my life. However I am a girl and it is well within my prerogative to change my mind from saying this time is all about me... to: dear god I need a man in my life! Let's be honest soul-searching, reflecting and finding yourself is all very good and well - but these things don't keep you warm at night (and most certainly won't throw you up against a wall...)

I couldn't resist finishing with this picture...
note: taken by my girlfriend's boyfriend, not me (but again, god bless)







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