Sometimes you just need a hug. In the vagina. With a...

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Okay, so this is a slight tangent from the day-to-day guff, and there are days I still need to fill in, but just going to put those on the backburner for now, as I feel I haven’t really had a random rant in a while. I am unsure if the following musings would be considered self-reflection, or merely incoherent ramblings of a lonely crazy person…

Before I started writing this blog, me and my girlfriends had toyed with the idea of writing one between the three of us; mostly about our ridiculous love lives, and how the female mind is actually crazy… I proposed a couple of names for this - one being "The inner crazy" and the other being "straight lines and circles" - reasons for both of these names will become quite apparent very soon.

Having been in Istanbul for nearly a month now, like I said, I have enjoyed the down-time as I have never really had any large amounts of time to myself, having come from a big family, school, University, restaurants, travelling, tour leading – I have always been around people, and have generally always been in a role which requires me to give a lot of energy to all of those around me; so this has definitely been a great recharge time.

But it has also allowed far too much time to become introspective; and as always I land on the subject of boys. Now I did say that although I was a tour leader over the summer, I got a lot less action than one would think – and this was true. However upon closer inspection I have noted an alarming trend... that apparently I mostly attract guys who are in relationships. One such example is a guy hitting on me over some time, who I eventually end up sleeping with, only to find out afterwards (via the joy of face book) that he has a girlfriend of 5years… What the??

This is where I digress for a second: what is the male definition of cheating? Because I sure as shit do not think it is the same as ours. Do these really come into play?















I have to say that being a tour leader you see a lot of things that really makes you question ever being in a monogamous relationship…

Any hoo, after trying to work out the male logic behind all of this, and my poor luck at ‘always attracting the wrong guys’ (yes I know very well that according to ‘The Secret’ that if this is the thought that you put out, then this is what you will receive.. but I haven’t been thinking like this up until now); this thought combined with the copious amounts of spare time I have had on my hands has lead my introspective musings to these conclusions: That I either…                             
a) attract the wrong guys, or b) am attracted to the wrong guys

Either way it seems to be a method of self-sabotage or self-defence.  But wait, it gets better; the mind then takes this point and runs with it like Usain Bolt to the finish line….the result being that at 40 I am still going to be alone and childless!! But let's take one step back and go through the thought process first:

What if I never find anyone? Oh god, I’m destined to be alone aren’t I?...

Next line of thought...

That means I’ll never have kids, but I want to have kids one day, I love children!

Time for some maths…

So I am 27 now, and plan on doing at least another year or so of traveling: Live in Florence, wouldn’t mind doing a season in Canada, and really want to travel America, and South and Central America… And while I am traveling there is clearly about as much room in my life for love as a mini has room for a rugby team…

So that is about 2 – 3 years of travel and wandering by myself. Holy shit, that’ll make me 30! I will be single and 30 (which isn’t the worst part), but have no career and absolutely nothing behind me..! Even if I get my shit together at 30, and potentially start a career, maybe find a guy, it would be years before we could broach the subject of kids – oh dear lord I am going to be 40 by then!! Time to start hyperventilating.

And that is the beauty of the female mind. Now let’s try this conversation from a male’s point of view:

“Hmm, seems all the girls I have been hooking up with or who have been hitting on me lately are taken, f**k I’m awesome, sucks to be their boyfriends! Must be beer o’clock…”

Ah to think like a man... One of my very good friends told me the advice his Dad had given him on women once:
 “Son, all you need to know is, men think in straight lines, women think in circles”.

These previous paragraphs seem to illustrate this point quite well, and I am not making a very good case for the fact that women aren't as crazy as we are made out to seem. But at least this is just my 'inner-crazy' that I very rarely unleash on others. On the whole I think I am quite rounded and normal, just everyone now and then I  go on tangents like this... 


On another kind of related note; again having been in Istanbul for a month by myself I have been a little fragile and lonely of late… Last night I actually cried watching ‘How I Met Your Mother’ when Robyn found out that she couldn't have kids, because it seemed to relate to exactly what I had just been thinking...

And to really lay it out there, it has been a while since, I... you know...So at the moment I can't tell if it is just my imagination, but the Turkish guys at reception that speaks very little English seem to be looking more and more attractive... maybe I should tell them I need washing done again, so someone comes up to fix my television...

side note: by the way, when you are feeling like this, I do not recommend going to watch the movie 'Magic Mike' - good idea Tash, go watch a movie about sexy male strippers, dancing and gyrating around for 2hours...

I emailed one of my best friends today, and wrote, I quote: “all I want is someone to pick me up, shove me against the wall and give me a good…cuddle”
Her response was:


Perfect! And that is what good friends are for!!




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